And the word of the day is: temptation.
I woke up running today; not literally, of course, but I sprung out of bed and got swiftly moving on making our house more presentable than it was at the moment (lots of “m’s” in that sentence). My mom had called the day before and let us know that she and my step dad, or “the folks,” were coming up for a day visit. Commence kicking it into high gear.
Since I’ve been cleaning all week, I didn’t have glaring work, but it seems there are endless cleaning projects that you discover once you anticipate another set of eyes examining the place. Plus, there is also the aforementioned basement beyond hope. However, within just a matter of hours, I was able to make our humble abode far more attractive, even the basement.
Jere, Kaya, and I spent a very nice day with the folks. The real purpose of their trip was to drop off Kaya’s new sandbox, which she affectionately calls “Melmo” (Elmo) since it is red and has black eyes (it’s supposed to be a crab). Because I’m a little bit nuts, I’ve refused the sand that my “Pops” bought for it because it has silica in it, so we’re going to have to take out a loan against our house to afford the “safe sand” that won’t give our child even the whisper of cancer. I love my Pops beyond measure; he is truly another dad to me and has been for most of my life. But, he is a tad old-fashioned and thinks that my resolve to buy “organic,” to raise my child a flexible “vegan” (what’s life without a little bit of ice cream here and there?) and for my insistence on “safe sand” is worthy of committal to the nearest loony bin. I probably don’t have to describe his reaction to my 12 day fast/cleanse and my raw food challenge. (Food isn’t really cooked for my Pops unless the vegetable has been boiled for several hours and acquired a nice gray color.) Well, in spite of the occasional poke of fun and rolling of the eyes, he still humors me because he loves me. And his unconditional acceptance and support is why I love him right back.
I don’t quite understand the coincidence known as “you spend time with your family and all of a sudden you want to revert to your childhood and eat things like Hamburger Helper, Little Debbie snack cakes, Kool-Aid, and bowls and bowls of neapolitan ice cream with Hershey’s syrup.” But, I was severely suffering from that phenomenon yesterday. Several times, my mom asserted that she didn’t want to derail my cleansing efforts so that I shouldn’t worry about their hunger or taking them out to eat. But, she instilled in me better hosting skills than that. I insisted that I’d be fine with them eating and that I would just enjoy spending time with them. So, after we got done hanging out here and then going next door to plant some flowers at Jere’s mom’s place (who passed away in October), we decided to go to a nice family-favorite restaurant about 20 minutes away. I armed myself with my lemonade and some peppermint tea, as a special treat, and said a quick prayer that God would help me through the temptation.
All in all, I got through it just fine. Luckily, we have a very active daughter who didn’t want to sit beyond a bite of pea salad and one pasta noodle (I never thought I would consider that lucky until now). So, while the rest of the fam enjoyed their roast turkey dinner (Pops), pot roast (Mom), and eggplant parm (Jere, of course), I shadowed Kaya as she toddled about the restaurant. On her journeys, Kaya happened upon the dying embers of a wedding reception and spent a good rest of our adventure running to the room adjacent to the festivities, from where she could hear the music. She provided crowd entertainment by doing the Kaya shuffle (which is comprised of minimal hand usage and a very subtle bend of the knee in time to the beat, all of which MUST take place on wood floor and not carpet). Everyone loved her and cooed over her and gave her lots of free stuff. What is it about a cute, mini-sized human that inspires people to just want to give things away? She left with three balloons, some wedding favors, and an offer of a to-go container full of wedding cake, which I reluctantly denied her. The irony was not lost on me that there was an entire bottom tier of a wedding cake thick with sugary frosting flowers left behind after the reception, (which the staff was begging for people to take as much of as they wanted) juxtaposed with me. . . a starving girl. I chuckled with God at how temptation doesn’t play by the rules and was most certainly cheating at the game. But, I envisioned Him shrugging His shoulders and saying, “I never told you it would be easy.” However, He did promise me that He would help me through it, and He did. I left with nary a lick of icing in my tummy. Victory!
At the end of the day, I would say that my energy level has been outstanding and my hunger level minimal. And more importantly, I’m over the hump. Just four more days and I get to upgrade to orange juice. That’s the upside. The downside is that I’m getting quite tired of the lemonade and I am SOOOO over the SWF. But, ever the Polyanna, I will choose to look at the bright side. Day 6: Temptation conquered.
The current project: 90-day remake challenge!
Trying to inhabit the body that's been there all along
Sunday, June 14, 2009
Friday, June 12, 2009
Day 5: June 12, 2009
Yet another good day with less and less hunger and thoughts of food, although the SWF is getting as irritating as that woman’s voice from “The Nanny.” Can’t think of her name right now. I could probably go for a full month on this regimen if it meant I didn’t have to do the SWF for another five days. Better yet, I'd actually watch every episode of "The Nanny" if it meant no more SWFs for me. Ugh.
But, the flush does what it’s supposed to do, so I guess that’s the bright side of drinking two teaspoons of salt for breakfast. Grossness alert, so avert your eyes if you’re scared of poop talk: I’m surprised that there is still solid stuff coming out this long after not eating, but since there is, it’s clear that something is definitely working.
I was able to go to the gym today, which is my first time in over a month. I hate how easily I can get knocked off my routine of eating well and going to the gym. It seems like any short or long time away from home will set me back a week for every three days away. So, since I was gone for half the month of May, missing a full month is the result. I’ve got to get better about that.
Anyway, I intended on taking it easy at the gym. . . that seemed like the most logical course of action. But, once I got there, my weird competitiveness thing took over and I did my full routine: 5 minutes of warm-up, 30 minutes of weight training (either upper or lower body, depending on the day--today was upper), and then 35 minutes of cardio. I usually do at least 40 minutes of cardio, but given my unique situation, I decided to hold back a bit and I only got up to 3.5 mph (slower than normal) with an incline of 2 on the treadmill (far less steep than normal). I was worried that if I pushed too hard, I would pass out and get taken away on a stretcher. For that same reason, I also avoided the sauna. Whenever possible, I look to avoid public humiliation.
I am getting really geared up for my 30 day raw food challenge, though I could get geared up to eat laminate flooring at this stage in the game. After the gym, I visited our local health food store and found a couple of items that will come in handy while going raw, like agave syrup (used as a sweetener for raw goodies). They also have bins of raw nuts that I almost stuck my face into with mouth wide open. I’m really getting some practice at self-control. Believe me; it was sorely needed.
As I was telling my mom about this cleanse today on the phone, she once again proved herself to be the best mom on the planet. Instead of passing judgment or telling me that I should get my head examined, she merely asked, “And how long do you have to do this cleanse?” When I told her five more days, she said, “Well, you’re halfway there. You can do it.” I love supportive people who encourage you even when they don’t understand a spit of what you’re doing or why. There aren’t enough people in the world like this.
Another cranial evolution has happened to me as a result of this experience. All of a sudden, I’m much more concerned about buying organic and unprocessed foods. I’m also much less concerned with putting on make-up or fixing my hair. And the products I do use, such as toothpaste and shampoo, suddenly need to be all natural. Don’t worry. Even though I can feel myself evolving into a hippie, I promise that for the moment I will continue to shave my legs and underarms. (But I must emphasize “for the moment.” I make no promises beyond that.)
Again, I’m sure this is primarily psychosomatic. Just as I’ve been obsessed with cleaning the house all week, I’m sure my new affinity for all things natural just has to do with what I think must be happening on my insides. Or, perhaps, it IS a result of my mind becoming clearer and my awareness sharpening to the fact that the stuff you put on your skin and scalp, as well as the environment you live in DOES affect your health and well-being. It’s best to keep it all clean, natural, and as close to its original state as possible. Doesn’t that just make sense?
All I can say is, it’s about time that my lifestyle started to match my sensibility. I’ve been a hippie in my beliefs for a while now. I guess it’s time I started living like one, minus the hairy pits, of course . . . for now.
Well, I’m gonna call it a day. Lexi lent me her copy of “My Sister’s Keeper,” which I’ve been dying to read, and I splurged yesterday and bought some detox Masada Salts for the bath. (Expensive, but well worth it.) So, it looks like it’s bath-tea-book time for me. And that is how I’ll end day 5.
P.S. The woman from “The Nanny” is Fran Drescher. Just thought of it.
But, the flush does what it’s supposed to do, so I guess that’s the bright side of drinking two teaspoons of salt for breakfast. Grossness alert, so avert your eyes if you’re scared of poop talk: I’m surprised that there is still solid stuff coming out this long after not eating, but since there is, it’s clear that something is definitely working.
I was able to go to the gym today, which is my first time in over a month. I hate how easily I can get knocked off my routine of eating well and going to the gym. It seems like any short or long time away from home will set me back a week for every three days away. So, since I was gone for half the month of May, missing a full month is the result. I’ve got to get better about that.
Anyway, I intended on taking it easy at the gym. . . that seemed like the most logical course of action. But, once I got there, my weird competitiveness thing took over and I did my full routine: 5 minutes of warm-up, 30 minutes of weight training (either upper or lower body, depending on the day--today was upper), and then 35 minutes of cardio. I usually do at least 40 minutes of cardio, but given my unique situation, I decided to hold back a bit and I only got up to 3.5 mph (slower than normal) with an incline of 2 on the treadmill (far less steep than normal). I was worried that if I pushed too hard, I would pass out and get taken away on a stretcher. For that same reason, I also avoided the sauna. Whenever possible, I look to avoid public humiliation.
I am getting really geared up for my 30 day raw food challenge, though I could get geared up to eat laminate flooring at this stage in the game. After the gym, I visited our local health food store and found a couple of items that will come in handy while going raw, like agave syrup (used as a sweetener for raw goodies). They also have bins of raw nuts that I almost stuck my face into with mouth wide open. I’m really getting some practice at self-control. Believe me; it was sorely needed.
As I was telling my mom about this cleanse today on the phone, she once again proved herself to be the best mom on the planet. Instead of passing judgment or telling me that I should get my head examined, she merely asked, “And how long do you have to do this cleanse?” When I told her five more days, she said, “Well, you’re halfway there. You can do it.” I love supportive people who encourage you even when they don’t understand a spit of what you’re doing or why. There aren’t enough people in the world like this.
Another cranial evolution has happened to me as a result of this experience. All of a sudden, I’m much more concerned about buying organic and unprocessed foods. I’m also much less concerned with putting on make-up or fixing my hair. And the products I do use, such as toothpaste and shampoo, suddenly need to be all natural. Don’t worry. Even though I can feel myself evolving into a hippie, I promise that for the moment I will continue to shave my legs and underarms. (But I must emphasize “for the moment.” I make no promises beyond that.)
Again, I’m sure this is primarily psychosomatic. Just as I’ve been obsessed with cleaning the house all week, I’m sure my new affinity for all things natural just has to do with what I think must be happening on my insides. Or, perhaps, it IS a result of my mind becoming clearer and my awareness sharpening to the fact that the stuff you put on your skin and scalp, as well as the environment you live in DOES affect your health and well-being. It’s best to keep it all clean, natural, and as close to its original state as possible. Doesn’t that just make sense?
All I can say is, it’s about time that my lifestyle started to match my sensibility. I’ve been a hippie in my beliefs for a while now. I guess it’s time I started living like one, minus the hairy pits, of course . . . for now.
Well, I’m gonna call it a day. Lexi lent me her copy of “My Sister’s Keeper,” which I’ve been dying to read, and I splurged yesterday and bought some detox Masada Salts for the bath. (Expensive, but well worth it.) So, it looks like it’s bath-tea-book time for me. And that is how I’ll end day 5.
P.S. The woman from “The Nanny” is Fran Drescher. Just thought of it.
Thursday, June 11, 2009
Day 4: June 11, 2009
Still going. . . . and today was fantastic. I felt good all day: high energy, focused, motivated, even-tempered (except for a few moments of understandable frustration when dealing with a toddler’s “logic,” or lack thereof), and not really hungry. I had a growling tummy, maybe, twice today that I recall. Food temptation is also getting easier. The primal urge is waning.
I hope this cleanse is helping me become less self-immersed. I have noticed over the last two days that my thoughts and feelings are much more focused outwards than inwards. It is almost as if a veil has been lifted from before my eyes . . . a veil that has inhibited me from really listening to people and being present in the moment. Now, I don’t know what is actually going on in my body. I admit that there’s a chance that detoxing is just a bunch of hooey. I know that Western medicine doesn’t generally accept it as effective or necessary, since one’s body automatically detoxes on its own. But, I also don’t put much stock in Western medicine since it is controlled by multi-billion dollar pharmaceutical companies whose aim is to keep people sick and on expensive prescriptions. And, of course, this is just one of the problems corrupting the business of health in the West. But, that’s for another day.
The bottom line is, whether the sense of a lifted veil is a result of toxins being purged, whether it’s wholly psychosomatic, or whether there is some other biological cause that I don’t know about, I feel like a better version of myself because of it. I hope it keeps up and becomes even more manifest, since the world could certainly benefit from one less self-absorbed girl. (Don’t worry. I understand the irony in the last sentence as I write about myself on a blog created by myself :
Part of it is pretty simple, I suppose. Because I can’t cook or prepare food or shop for myself, my thoughts about food obviously shift exclusively to my husband and daughter and their needs. Today’s shopping trip to the Co-op (my first time and it was amazing!) was completely focused on what good tasting, handy, and healthy foods I could get that my daughter and husband would enjoy. I bought them things that I wouldn’t have bought for myself, necessarily. But, I also really savored the experience of being IN the grocery story and smiling at the patrons and the people working there, of looking, feeling, and smelling the fresh produce and marveling at all the natural, bright colors. It made me appreciate food in a whole new way. And, most importantly, I was grateful to God for providing us with such a wide array of raw foods that look so amazing.
It’s a shame that processed foods ever came into existence. It must make God kind of sad, like what He provided for us wasn’t good enough so we had to fiddle with it, cook it, add fake stuff to it, color it, preserve it, and then package it in materials that will outlast hundreds of generations. It’s like putting hours into baking a homemade cake for your kid’s birthday party and then having her tell you she wants the generic one from the bakery at the grocery store instead. Ouch.
Fasting also completely changes what I cook and how I feel about my cooking. Tonight, I catered the entire menu to what Jere and Kaya would like, as I did last night (though I really would have liked what they had last night, too. Although, honestly, I’d probably eat cow’s brain if it were offered to me. My palate is not too discretionary at the moment). I made broccoli, sweet potato pancakes, and barley. If I were making food for myself, I would have definitely thrown in some type of protein. But, I knew that Jere would be content with just that (in fact, he probably would have been even happier if I had substituted beet greens for the barley—he’s my veggie boy). And I wasn’t disappointed as I was preparing the meal, thinking, “Oh, I’d really like to eat this.” Instead, I was thinking, “I’m so glad that this food will taste good and provide healthy sustenance for the people I love. I don’t have to eat it myself to enjoy it.” I count that as a real breakthrough.
A few people have expressed their concern to me about this cleanse. While I appreciate the fact that they presumably want me on the planet and do not want me to die of starvation, I find their concern hyperbolic. The general reaction to a cleanse this drastic is, “Are you for real? You must be crazy. What would possess you to do that? That’s really unhealthy.” (Okay. I kinda jumbled together a bunch of reactions I’ve gotten.) But, as I was deciding whether to do the cleanse or not this past month, I often thought about how frequently “fasting” is a part of recorded history. Historically, fasting is an important part of every major religion. The Bible tells of several instances of fasting; in fact, Christ fasted for 40 days when he was communing with the Holy. It’s also interesting that when Moses descended from Mt. Sinai after 40 days of fasting and connecting with God, the Israelites said he was “glowing.” Common knowledge is that he was glowing because he had been in the presence of God, but I wonder how much the act of fasting enabled him to interact with the spiritual on far deeper levels than if he was scarfing down a big ol’ bowl of lamb stew. “Food for thought” is an appropriate aphorism here.
Being hungry is uncomfortable, but it doesn’t mean that it’s bad. It’s just a sensation, like a headache, an itch, or a sore throat. Too often, I think, we rush to fix the uncomfortable, instead of just living in it and trying to see if there’s anything we can learn from it. One time shortly before I was married, I was deathly ill for a whole month. I had sinusitis, bronchitis, and a double ear infection. The reason I got so sick was because I was teaching my brains out (16 hour days, 6 days a week) and didn’t have the time to go see a doctor when my symptoms of sinusitis first developed. Many days I wouldn’t take anything for the pain as I didn’t like feeling foggy from the Dayquil. I only started to take a cough suppressant when I couldn’t make it through a lecture without going into scary coughing fits (talking is a pretty important part of teaching). At one point, I remember thinking that I might die and actually believed it with my whole heart. But, when I finally got better, I was so very happy to feel well and I remember relishing the feeling of health for weeks afterwards. If I had medicated myself the entire time, I never would have appreciated to the fullest depths how good it felt to be “not sick.”
I suppose that’s enough philosophy for one day. And I guess it’s official. With the fourth day of the fast over and done with, I have officially lost my funny. Insert sad face here.
I hope this cleanse is helping me become less self-immersed. I have noticed over the last two days that my thoughts and feelings are much more focused outwards than inwards. It is almost as if a veil has been lifted from before my eyes . . . a veil that has inhibited me from really listening to people and being present in the moment. Now, I don’t know what is actually going on in my body. I admit that there’s a chance that detoxing is just a bunch of hooey. I know that Western medicine doesn’t generally accept it as effective or necessary, since one’s body automatically detoxes on its own. But, I also don’t put much stock in Western medicine since it is controlled by multi-billion dollar pharmaceutical companies whose aim is to keep people sick and on expensive prescriptions. And, of course, this is just one of the problems corrupting the business of health in the West. But, that’s for another day.
The bottom line is, whether the sense of a lifted veil is a result of toxins being purged, whether it’s wholly psychosomatic, or whether there is some other biological cause that I don’t know about, I feel like a better version of myself because of it. I hope it keeps up and becomes even more manifest, since the world could certainly benefit from one less self-absorbed girl. (Don’t worry. I understand the irony in the last sentence as I write about myself on a blog created by myself :
Part of it is pretty simple, I suppose. Because I can’t cook or prepare food or shop for myself, my thoughts about food obviously shift exclusively to my husband and daughter and their needs. Today’s shopping trip to the Co-op (my first time and it was amazing!) was completely focused on what good tasting, handy, and healthy foods I could get that my daughter and husband would enjoy. I bought them things that I wouldn’t have bought for myself, necessarily. But, I also really savored the experience of being IN the grocery story and smiling at the patrons and the people working there, of looking, feeling, and smelling the fresh produce and marveling at all the natural, bright colors. It made me appreciate food in a whole new way. And, most importantly, I was grateful to God for providing us with such a wide array of raw foods that look so amazing.
It’s a shame that processed foods ever came into existence. It must make God kind of sad, like what He provided for us wasn’t good enough so we had to fiddle with it, cook it, add fake stuff to it, color it, preserve it, and then package it in materials that will outlast hundreds of generations. It’s like putting hours into baking a homemade cake for your kid’s birthday party and then having her tell you she wants the generic one from the bakery at the grocery store instead. Ouch.
Fasting also completely changes what I cook and how I feel about my cooking. Tonight, I catered the entire menu to what Jere and Kaya would like, as I did last night (though I really would have liked what they had last night, too. Although, honestly, I’d probably eat cow’s brain if it were offered to me. My palate is not too discretionary at the moment). I made broccoli, sweet potato pancakes, and barley. If I were making food for myself, I would have definitely thrown in some type of protein. But, I knew that Jere would be content with just that (in fact, he probably would have been even happier if I had substituted beet greens for the barley—he’s my veggie boy). And I wasn’t disappointed as I was preparing the meal, thinking, “Oh, I’d really like to eat this.” Instead, I was thinking, “I’m so glad that this food will taste good and provide healthy sustenance for the people I love. I don’t have to eat it myself to enjoy it.” I count that as a real breakthrough.
A few people have expressed their concern to me about this cleanse. While I appreciate the fact that they presumably want me on the planet and do not want me to die of starvation, I find their concern hyperbolic. The general reaction to a cleanse this drastic is, “Are you for real? You must be crazy. What would possess you to do that? That’s really unhealthy.” (Okay. I kinda jumbled together a bunch of reactions I’ve gotten.) But, as I was deciding whether to do the cleanse or not this past month, I often thought about how frequently “fasting” is a part of recorded history. Historically, fasting is an important part of every major religion. The Bible tells of several instances of fasting; in fact, Christ fasted for 40 days when he was communing with the Holy. It’s also interesting that when Moses descended from Mt. Sinai after 40 days of fasting and connecting with God, the Israelites said he was “glowing.” Common knowledge is that he was glowing because he had been in the presence of God, but I wonder how much the act of fasting enabled him to interact with the spiritual on far deeper levels than if he was scarfing down a big ol’ bowl of lamb stew. “Food for thought” is an appropriate aphorism here.
Being hungry is uncomfortable, but it doesn’t mean that it’s bad. It’s just a sensation, like a headache, an itch, or a sore throat. Too often, I think, we rush to fix the uncomfortable, instead of just living in it and trying to see if there’s anything we can learn from it. One time shortly before I was married, I was deathly ill for a whole month. I had sinusitis, bronchitis, and a double ear infection. The reason I got so sick was because I was teaching my brains out (16 hour days, 6 days a week) and didn’t have the time to go see a doctor when my symptoms of sinusitis first developed. Many days I wouldn’t take anything for the pain as I didn’t like feeling foggy from the Dayquil. I only started to take a cough suppressant when I couldn’t make it through a lecture without going into scary coughing fits (talking is a pretty important part of teaching). At one point, I remember thinking that I might die and actually believed it with my whole heart. But, when I finally got better, I was so very happy to feel well and I remember relishing the feeling of health for weeks afterwards. If I had medicated myself the entire time, I never would have appreciated to the fullest depths how good it felt to be “not sick.”
I suppose that’s enough philosophy for one day. And I guess it’s official. With the fourth day of the fast over and done with, I have officially lost my funny. Insert sad face here.
Wednesday, June 10, 2009
Day 3: June 10, 2009
Weight: 165.5
I had no intention of posting my ongoing cleanse weight on this blog, but I was so astonished to have lost 5.5 lbs. in 2 days that I reconsidered and decided it was blogworthy. In fact, I wasn’t even going to step on the scale again after my initial weigh-in on day 1, but my curiosity got the better of me, and my will-power to stay off the scale became nil-power. But, I figure if I’m gonna let my self-control slip up, better this than a big ol' fried chicken pizza slathered in hot fudge sundae with Cheetos for dessert. Let me get out of this paragraph before it becomes unbearable.
So, it was a big day at the Kendall house today. Around 3:30 this afternoon, I heard a deep, diesel rumbling coming down our dirt road and looked outside to see a very large dump truck towing a very large excavator up the driveway. This was not a surprise to me or else I might have had similar feelings as Arthur Dent in Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy (a great series, if you haven’t read it). Luckily, they were not coming to demolish our house, only our yard. Where grass once peacefully lay, there are now two large dirt squares, with one more being dug up tomorrow. These three sites will be our summer garden plots, assuming we get some seeds in before winter comes, which, given our location, could come as early as next week. Up in these parts, you learn not to get too attached to the sun.
Along with the heavy machinery, we had several men milling about, wielding rakes and shovels and roto-tillers, muscles rippling, testosterone spurting out everywhere. Kaya was a little in awe and scared out of her mind, as was I. We sat far away from danger and gawked like teenage girls at a college football practice.
It was a nice distraction from any preoccupation I might have had with feeling crummy or eating the refrigerator, though today went remarkably better than yesterday. I was about 60% functional today, whereas yesterday I was hanging out around 10%. That’s a pretty reasonable increase, I’d say. The hunger pangs weren’t nearly as strong, either. Hopefully I’m done with the really hard part. They say you turn a corner after day 3 or 4.
The lemonade tastes good again today, though the acid has officially burned a hole through my tongue. It’s okay, though. It will save me the money on the piercing. Perhaps my batch yesterday was destroyed by a bad lemon. You know what they say about a bad lemon. No? Is it only bad apples that can ruin a bushel? That hardly seems fair. I shall file a complaint with the proverb department for unfair discrimination against citrus fruits. Oh dear. I think I lost more of my funny.
The SWF went better on both the entering and the exiting. I had a pretty productive exit, which was satisfying because I know the contents of the exit were probably not any food I’ve had recently. The myth is that at any given time a person can have 5 to 15 lbs. of petrified fecal matter in their small and large intestine. I’m sure your reaction is the same as mine, but I’ll say what we’re thinking anyway just in case you’re a proctologist and you think petrified excrement is neat-o. DISGUSTING ewwwy grossishness!!!! I want that OUT of my body. Pronto.
The hardest part of the day was making supper for Kaya and Jere. Jere has been a dear and bought himself lots of sandwich fixins’ so that I don’t have to worry about preparing him dinner at night, as he doesn’t want to deposit me right in the brambles of temptation. But, I decided that since he had been all manly and cute with his crew of guys over doing man stuff in the yard, I would tough it out and make him something he wanted. He asked for egg noodles, which just happens to be my top 5 favorite things to eat. So what? I like a good challenge. So, I went about preparing not only the noodles with butter, parmesan, and lemon olive oil, but also a faux ground beef (Morning Star soy beef crumbles) sautéed with olive oil, garlic, and diced onion to put over top of it and some green beans as a side. Oh me, oh my. I’m masochistic.
It took every single last willpower neuron in my brain to stop me from taking a wee little taste or licking my fingers. Have you ever tried to cook and NOT taste what you’re cooking? It’s very, very hard. But, I tried to be “in the moment” and relish the experience of providing sustenance for my family, all the while enjoying the sweet and pungent smells of onion and garlic. Have I mentioned that I just now decided that I want to be buried in a sautéed onion and garlic patch when I die? Mmmmmm.
I happily plated the food for my little toddler and looked longingly as she investigated it with her fingers. I told her, “Eat, Kaya. It’s good. Mmmmm.” She smiled at me, looked at her fork, stabbed a green bean with it, plopped it in her mouth and then said, “Done?” as she handed me her plate. I pleaded with her to take more bites, but she shook her head resolutely and said “no,” with a lilt on the “o” that almost makes it sound like she’s asking you a question. Believe me. She’s not. So, I failed at living vicariously through my child. Let this be a lesson to me now, so that I won’t try to enroll her in gymnastics, ballet, art school, culinary school, law school, a PhD program in English, etc. etc. Oh, the wasteland of my one-time dreams.
As I finish this up, the crickets are chirping outside our living room window, a hint of summer is prickling the air, my “Get Regular” tea is brewing away, the Red Sox are two outs away from another victory over the Yankees (that’ll be eight wins in a row against the Evil Empire), the baby is fed, bathed, and sleeping peacefully, the dog is curled up contentedly beside me, and I’ve made it through another day of this cleanse. Surely, this is la pura vida.
I had no intention of posting my ongoing cleanse weight on this blog, but I was so astonished to have lost 5.5 lbs. in 2 days that I reconsidered and decided it was blogworthy. In fact, I wasn’t even going to step on the scale again after my initial weigh-in on day 1, but my curiosity got the better of me, and my will-power to stay off the scale became nil-power. But, I figure if I’m gonna let my self-control slip up, better this than a big ol' fried chicken pizza slathered in hot fudge sundae with Cheetos for dessert. Let me get out of this paragraph before it becomes unbearable.
So, it was a big day at the Kendall house today. Around 3:30 this afternoon, I heard a deep, diesel rumbling coming down our dirt road and looked outside to see a very large dump truck towing a very large excavator up the driveway. This was not a surprise to me or else I might have had similar feelings as Arthur Dent in Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy (a great series, if you haven’t read it). Luckily, they were not coming to demolish our house, only our yard. Where grass once peacefully lay, there are now two large dirt squares, with one more being dug up tomorrow. These three sites will be our summer garden plots, assuming we get some seeds in before winter comes, which, given our location, could come as early as next week. Up in these parts, you learn not to get too attached to the sun.
Along with the heavy machinery, we had several men milling about, wielding rakes and shovels and roto-tillers, muscles rippling, testosterone spurting out everywhere. Kaya was a little in awe and scared out of her mind, as was I. We sat far away from danger and gawked like teenage girls at a college football practice.
It was a nice distraction from any preoccupation I might have had with feeling crummy or eating the refrigerator, though today went remarkably better than yesterday. I was about 60% functional today, whereas yesterday I was hanging out around 10%. That’s a pretty reasonable increase, I’d say. The hunger pangs weren’t nearly as strong, either. Hopefully I’m done with the really hard part. They say you turn a corner after day 3 or 4.
The lemonade tastes good again today, though the acid has officially burned a hole through my tongue. It’s okay, though. It will save me the money on the piercing. Perhaps my batch yesterday was destroyed by a bad lemon. You know what they say about a bad lemon. No? Is it only bad apples that can ruin a bushel? That hardly seems fair. I shall file a complaint with the proverb department for unfair discrimination against citrus fruits. Oh dear. I think I lost more of my funny.
The SWF went better on both the entering and the exiting. I had a pretty productive exit, which was satisfying because I know the contents of the exit were probably not any food I’ve had recently. The myth is that at any given time a person can have 5 to 15 lbs. of petrified fecal matter in their small and large intestine. I’m sure your reaction is the same as mine, but I’ll say what we’re thinking anyway just in case you’re a proctologist and you think petrified excrement is neat-o. DISGUSTING ewwwy grossishness!!!! I want that OUT of my body. Pronto.
The hardest part of the day was making supper for Kaya and Jere. Jere has been a dear and bought himself lots of sandwich fixins’ so that I don’t have to worry about preparing him dinner at night, as he doesn’t want to deposit me right in the brambles of temptation. But, I decided that since he had been all manly and cute with his crew of guys over doing man stuff in the yard, I would tough it out and make him something he wanted. He asked for egg noodles, which just happens to be my top 5 favorite things to eat. So what? I like a good challenge. So, I went about preparing not only the noodles with butter, parmesan, and lemon olive oil, but also a faux ground beef (Morning Star soy beef crumbles) sautéed with olive oil, garlic, and diced onion to put over top of it and some green beans as a side. Oh me, oh my. I’m masochistic.
It took every single last willpower neuron in my brain to stop me from taking a wee little taste or licking my fingers. Have you ever tried to cook and NOT taste what you’re cooking? It’s very, very hard. But, I tried to be “in the moment” and relish the experience of providing sustenance for my family, all the while enjoying the sweet and pungent smells of onion and garlic. Have I mentioned that I just now decided that I want to be buried in a sautéed onion and garlic patch when I die? Mmmmmm.
I happily plated the food for my little toddler and looked longingly as she investigated it with her fingers. I told her, “Eat, Kaya. It’s good. Mmmmm.” She smiled at me, looked at her fork, stabbed a green bean with it, plopped it in her mouth and then said, “Done?” as she handed me her plate. I pleaded with her to take more bites, but she shook her head resolutely and said “no,” with a lilt on the “o” that almost makes it sound like she’s asking you a question. Believe me. She’s not. So, I failed at living vicariously through my child. Let this be a lesson to me now, so that I won’t try to enroll her in gymnastics, ballet, art school, culinary school, law school, a PhD program in English, etc. etc. Oh, the wasteland of my one-time dreams.
As I finish this up, the crickets are chirping outside our living room window, a hint of summer is prickling the air, my “Get Regular” tea is brewing away, the Red Sox are two outs away from another victory over the Yankees (that’ll be eight wins in a row against the Evil Empire), the baby is fed, bathed, and sleeping peacefully, the dog is curled up contentedly beside me, and I’ve made it through another day of this cleanse. Surely, this is la pura vida.
Tuesday, June 9, 2009
Day 2: June 9, 2009
My fellow cleanser, Lexi, sent me this little gem last night: “After several days many Master Cleanse dieters report entering a state of bliss that is either the result of the continuing elimination of toxins, or else a state similar to the tranquil experience that people who are starving to death have shortly before dying.” Ahhhha. Classic.
As I awoke this morning, I was very aware of my body being sore. I’m fairly certain this has to do with my little surge of worker bee yesterday, but I would be thrilled if it were a sign of detoxification. I do not think that is possible just yet. . . it’ll probably take longer than one day or else this darn fast wouldn’t be 10 days long.
So as wonderful and “Tigger” bouncy as I felt yesterday, I feel as close to the opposite of that today. I am lackluster, foggy, droopy, uncomfortable, listless. I am grey. It is raining and damp, which always affects my physical and mental state. I used to love a rainy day, and I still do in theory—the cuddly-up, hot chocolate, fleece blanket, good book part of it. But as I’ve gotten older, I find that rainy or overcast days really affect my well-being. I can not get motivated on rainy days. I usually eat a bunch of junky food. I’m a tad bit cranky (or maybe a lot bit cranky—hubby would be a better judge of that). So, we have all that going on today. Add in there that I’m hungry, and you have a pretty miserable, joyless girl. I also think I lost my funny, so if funny is what you’re after, you better look at my two archived posts. Maybe a side effect of this detox is that you cleanse out your funny. That would be a shame.
The SWF went much better today on the drinking end. I found that in this particular case, the colder is NOT the better. I tried luke warm and that went remarkably better. I was able to chug a liter in three gulps, which would be especially handy if I were in a contest at a frat party. Shout out to my peeps at Kappa Gamma Delta! (My apologies if I just made up a REAL fraternity/sorority.)
The SWF went much worse on the exiting end. Yesterday, I was able to get rid of the SWF after a couple of sittings. Today took me over an hour and several sittings, which is not the easiest as you are trying to mother a needy toddler with a pretty inflexible morning routine. Luckily, we have purchased her a “potty” in preparation for potty-training and she quite enjoys sitting on it while mama sits on hers. Needless to say, Kaya got a lot of practice on her potty sitting skills today.
On the upside, I haven’t felt sick or been attacked by killer headaches, which was something people warned me about. I have been on the brink of several headaches, but have been able to ward them off with some heavy swills of H20. I’m getting quite adept at drinking on this cleanse, a skill that I probably didn’t need any help in perfecting. I have felt dizzy a couple times today. This would not really be a problem if lying prostrate was allowed, but my boss (Kaya) doesn’t allow loafing on the job.
One challenge of the day has been any challenge whatsoever. In other words, any slight complication to a simple task caused me to feel as if the world was ending. Kaya had an especially toddler-esque lunch time. She cried out for yogurt, but when I got it out of the fridge and offered it to her, she screamed and clamped her mouth shut. Then, I tried to feed her (scream); then, I tried to give her the spoon (scream); I tried to feed her (nope); I tried to give her the spoon (SCREAM!!!). I put the yogurt away—more screaming. I got the yogurt back out—more screaming and clamping of the mouth. I put the yogurt away for the third time. . . well, the point is, this went on for some time. Jere, who is as severe with discipline as a baby bunny, actually gave her a time-out. I don’t know which of the three of us was more shocked.
Most challenges of the day would not have been challenging at all to a normal, well or moderately well-fed individual—that not being me. As I was putting some paper bags away, I knocked off a few envelopes from Jere’s filing cabinet and almost started crying. I just knew that the effort it would take to put them back was more than I could exert. I thought about leaving them there on the floor, but then my brain kicked in (briefly) and told me to cowboy up and put them back, which I did successfully without incident. I DID shed tears when Big Papi hit a home run and received a curtain call at Fenway. But, let’s be honest. I probably would have cried over that regardless of any cleanse.
Again I was reminded of the psychological need to eat many times today. Even when my stomach didn’t “feel” hungry, I found my hand going toward my mouth with whatever food was close to the hand. This was especially dangerous when there were some tater tots and magic cookie bars close to that hand. I told Jere he had to clean out the pan with the remaining cookie bars (a treat I made for a mom’s picnic last Thursday) since I could not be trusted in their general vicinity, and luckily, Kaya ate all her tater tots and did her part at eradicating temptation for me. But it was a far stronger urge today than yesterday, which made me believe that there is some primal instinct taking over my body. Maybe I should audition for Survivor.
One more complaint: the lemonade wasn’t nearly as tasty today. And it made my teeth hurt. But, on the bright side, I have some nice minty tea waiting for me now, the Red Sox beat the tar out of the Yankees, Big Papi seems to be out of his season-long slump, and another day of this cleanse is almost over. Day 2 is in the blog books.
As I awoke this morning, I was very aware of my body being sore. I’m fairly certain this has to do with my little surge of worker bee yesterday, but I would be thrilled if it were a sign of detoxification. I do not think that is possible just yet. . . it’ll probably take longer than one day or else this darn fast wouldn’t be 10 days long.
So as wonderful and “Tigger” bouncy as I felt yesterday, I feel as close to the opposite of that today. I am lackluster, foggy, droopy, uncomfortable, listless. I am grey. It is raining and damp, which always affects my physical and mental state. I used to love a rainy day, and I still do in theory—the cuddly-up, hot chocolate, fleece blanket, good book part of it. But as I’ve gotten older, I find that rainy or overcast days really affect my well-being. I can not get motivated on rainy days. I usually eat a bunch of junky food. I’m a tad bit cranky (or maybe a lot bit cranky—hubby would be a better judge of that). So, we have all that going on today. Add in there that I’m hungry, and you have a pretty miserable, joyless girl. I also think I lost my funny, so if funny is what you’re after, you better look at my two archived posts. Maybe a side effect of this detox is that you cleanse out your funny. That would be a shame.
The SWF went much better today on the drinking end. I found that in this particular case, the colder is NOT the better. I tried luke warm and that went remarkably better. I was able to chug a liter in three gulps, which would be especially handy if I were in a contest at a frat party. Shout out to my peeps at Kappa Gamma Delta! (My apologies if I just made up a REAL fraternity/sorority.)
The SWF went much worse on the exiting end. Yesterday, I was able to get rid of the SWF after a couple of sittings. Today took me over an hour and several sittings, which is not the easiest as you are trying to mother a needy toddler with a pretty inflexible morning routine. Luckily, we have purchased her a “potty” in preparation for potty-training and she quite enjoys sitting on it while mama sits on hers. Needless to say, Kaya got a lot of practice on her potty sitting skills today.
On the upside, I haven’t felt sick or been attacked by killer headaches, which was something people warned me about. I have been on the brink of several headaches, but have been able to ward them off with some heavy swills of H20. I’m getting quite adept at drinking on this cleanse, a skill that I probably didn’t need any help in perfecting. I have felt dizzy a couple times today. This would not really be a problem if lying prostrate was allowed, but my boss (Kaya) doesn’t allow loafing on the job.
One challenge of the day has been any challenge whatsoever. In other words, any slight complication to a simple task caused me to feel as if the world was ending. Kaya had an especially toddler-esque lunch time. She cried out for yogurt, but when I got it out of the fridge and offered it to her, she screamed and clamped her mouth shut. Then, I tried to feed her (scream); then, I tried to give her the spoon (scream); I tried to feed her (nope); I tried to give her the spoon (SCREAM!!!). I put the yogurt away—more screaming. I got the yogurt back out—more screaming and clamping of the mouth. I put the yogurt away for the third time. . . well, the point is, this went on for some time. Jere, who is as severe with discipline as a baby bunny, actually gave her a time-out. I don’t know which of the three of us was more shocked.
Most challenges of the day would not have been challenging at all to a normal, well or moderately well-fed individual—that not being me. As I was putting some paper bags away, I knocked off a few envelopes from Jere’s filing cabinet and almost started crying. I just knew that the effort it would take to put them back was more than I could exert. I thought about leaving them there on the floor, but then my brain kicked in (briefly) and told me to cowboy up and put them back, which I did successfully without incident. I DID shed tears when Big Papi hit a home run and received a curtain call at Fenway. But, let’s be honest. I probably would have cried over that regardless of any cleanse.
Again I was reminded of the psychological need to eat many times today. Even when my stomach didn’t “feel” hungry, I found my hand going toward my mouth with whatever food was close to the hand. This was especially dangerous when there were some tater tots and magic cookie bars close to that hand. I told Jere he had to clean out the pan with the remaining cookie bars (a treat I made for a mom’s picnic last Thursday) since I could not be trusted in their general vicinity, and luckily, Kaya ate all her tater tots and did her part at eradicating temptation for me. But it was a far stronger urge today than yesterday, which made me believe that there is some primal instinct taking over my body. Maybe I should audition for Survivor.
One more complaint: the lemonade wasn’t nearly as tasty today. And it made my teeth hurt. But, on the bright side, I have some nice minty tea waiting for me now, the Red Sox beat the tar out of the Yankees, Big Papi seems to be out of his season-long slump, and another day of this cleanse is almost over. Day 2 is in the blog books.
Day 1 on Master Cleanse: June 8, 2009
Current weight: 171 lbs. : (
I am very sad about reporting my weight, though I know that I deserve that number, as I’ve been excessively indulgent this last month. But to think that I was 162.5 on my weigh-in before I went to Minnesota on May 6, which means I’ve gained 8.5 lbs in about a month. Yikes. This just reiterates my need to psychologically change my understanding of what food is for. Too often, I eat out of craving or because it’s what I think will taste the best. I really hope that cleansing will help me change this pattern of behavior.
So, speaking of unhealthy eating habits, my last meal last night was a good one. . . I rationalized it by saying I might never have cooked foods again (that would be a victory, huh?). (Note: there is some very good advice out there that you should do an “ease-in” to the Master Cleanse. I decided not to because I’ve done cleanses before, though nothing this drastic, and had been eating a relatively healthy diet for four months just a month before I started. If you are used to lots of overly processed foods and fast foods, it makes a lot of sense to ease-in, as to not shock the system more than the MC already will.) So, I indulged on Crab Rangoon and Pad Sa-Eaw (Thai food), which is a yummy rice noodle dish bathed in dark soy sauce. Jere (husband) rocks for going to the local Thai joint (one of the only restaurants in our tiny town, and luckily a GOOD Thai restaurant at that) and pampering me before I was a dead woman walking.
I drank Yogi’s “Get Regular” tea afterwards and looked with anticipation to the day ahead.
Unfortunately, I ate the Thai food too late last night, so I woke up STARVING. That always happens to me when I eat too late. . . usually any time after 7 is dangerous. I guess this just reiterates what my father and other health professionals always say. Don’t eat after 7 PM! It’s like feeding the gremlins after midnight. Bad things will happen.
No matter. My resolve is strong. I made Kaya her breakfast. . . she only wants Cheerios with soy milk these days. I buy her multigrain so I don’t feel as bad about it. But, I coerced her into some scrambled eggs and prunes as well. I actively ignored the Morning Star prosage links staring at me from the freezer. . . one of my favorite breakfast foods.
I did my first salt water flush (SWF) first thing in the morning. I gotta say that it was more than just mildly disgusting. I had flashbacks of almost drowning at Cape Hatteras my freshman year of college, except during that episode my skull was being crushed against a jetty as I was guzzling the salt water. I wonder if I might have been a nuclear physicist or something else ultra-genius if that brain trauma hadn’t happened? Anyway, I remember thinking as I was drinking the solution this morning, “I’d rather be having a baby than drinking this crap.” Maybe I can make that into a bumper sticker. “I’d rather be having a baby than looking at you” or “I’d rather be having a baby than listening to Dick Cheney”. . . insert wittiness here.
On a positive note, I rather enjoyed the effects of the SWF. After about 30 minutes, I started feeling some churning “down there.” Then, about 10 minutes later, I rushed to the bathroom and what happened next is probably best described as a water slide rushing out of your bung hole. Totally tubular! For all the constipation I’ve had throughout my life, I’m amazed that no one ever told me of this natural fix-it. If you haven’t done it for yourself, you should totally check it out. It almost makes the revolting part of drinking the salt water worthwhile.
So, with that part accomplished, I proceeded to fix my “lemonade.” Luckily, Jere (again, a rockin’ husband) bought me a juicer around Thanksgiving when my gallbladder was on a very violent strike (throwing punches, spraying mace, laying in front of tanks, and what not) after over-indulging at Liz and Neal’s friend Thanksgiving. So, juicing my four lemons was a piece of lemon cake with lemon icing (soooo hungry as I write this), and the juice I got was enough for my entire allotment of lemonade for the day. I carefully measured out my lemon juice, maple syrup (Grade B), and cayenne pepper, and then filled my snappy, green Camelbak water bottle (BPA-free!) up to the 32 ounce mark. I reluctantly took a sip and was pleasantly surprised. Spicy Countrytime! Okay, not exactly, but after the SWF, it tasted like gourmet cocktail hour.
It struck me very early into the day how psychologically dependent on food I am. I began to feel depressed since I couldn’t look forward to what I was going to eat that day. I explained these thoughts to Jere and he said, “Hmmm. I kinda think of eating as a chore. I wish I didn’t have to interrupt my day doing it.” After I got over my feelings of wanting to bop him on the nose, I got down and dirty with my psyche (a fun past time, if you’ve never tried it). How much of my life has been wasted thinking of what I was going to eat later; or been taken over by cravings for a certain food to the extent that I HAD to have it or suffer being obsessed with the thought of it for the next several days! All these times I could have been living in the present, enjoying whatever wonderful, profound, simple thing life offers on a daily basis. Alright. I’ll stop getting all zen on you.
So, I don’t know if it was the SWF or the fresh juice or the maple syrup or the pepper or the beautiful 70 degree weather, but I had boundless energy this first day. I went into deep cleaning mode and was able to get to every room on the main floor (our basement is beyond hope, I’m afraid). Here and there I would feel pangs of hunger, but I would take a swig of lemonade and go about my manic cleaning spree. Perhaps, psychologically, since I knew there was cleaning being done on the inside, I wanted my external environment to also be clean? I don’t know, but I’m thrilled by this turn of events, as is my husband.
Many times throughout the day, I had to remind myself that I was not allowed to eat. Obviously, it is just about automatic: hunger = refrigerator. Compound that with the fact that I have a 19 month old daughter (holy moley! I just realized that my baby girl is 19 months exactly today!) to feed, and any mother knows that it is easy to get into the habit of “cleaning” your child’s plate for him/her. Well, I managed to stop myself mid-grab on several occasions. Phew. Luckily, my brain took over, which perhaps indicates that my brain is getting fixed. Well, looky here. The cleanse is working already!
Our internet access was finally reinstated (or whatever “techie” term you might use) around 9:00 PM, at which point I went online and read some other blogs of people’s first days on the MC. Around 10:00 PM, I had a refreshing cup of Yogi tea, and was not hungry at all after I finished it. I made it through Day 1!
I am very sad about reporting my weight, though I know that I deserve that number, as I’ve been excessively indulgent this last month. But to think that I was 162.5 on my weigh-in before I went to Minnesota on May 6, which means I’ve gained 8.5 lbs in about a month. Yikes. This just reiterates my need to psychologically change my understanding of what food is for. Too often, I eat out of craving or because it’s what I think will taste the best. I really hope that cleansing will help me change this pattern of behavior.
So, speaking of unhealthy eating habits, my last meal last night was a good one. . . I rationalized it by saying I might never have cooked foods again (that would be a victory, huh?). (Note: there is some very good advice out there that you should do an “ease-in” to the Master Cleanse. I decided not to because I’ve done cleanses before, though nothing this drastic, and had been eating a relatively healthy diet for four months just a month before I started. If you are used to lots of overly processed foods and fast foods, it makes a lot of sense to ease-in, as to not shock the system more than the MC already will.) So, I indulged on Crab Rangoon and Pad Sa-Eaw (Thai food), which is a yummy rice noodle dish bathed in dark soy sauce. Jere (husband) rocks for going to the local Thai joint (one of the only restaurants in our tiny town, and luckily a GOOD Thai restaurant at that) and pampering me before I was a dead woman walking.
I drank Yogi’s “Get Regular” tea afterwards and looked with anticipation to the day ahead.
Unfortunately, I ate the Thai food too late last night, so I woke up STARVING. That always happens to me when I eat too late. . . usually any time after 7 is dangerous. I guess this just reiterates what my father and other health professionals always say. Don’t eat after 7 PM! It’s like feeding the gremlins after midnight. Bad things will happen.
No matter. My resolve is strong. I made Kaya her breakfast. . . she only wants Cheerios with soy milk these days. I buy her multigrain so I don’t feel as bad about it. But, I coerced her into some scrambled eggs and prunes as well. I actively ignored the Morning Star prosage links staring at me from the freezer. . . one of my favorite breakfast foods.
I did my first salt water flush (SWF) first thing in the morning. I gotta say that it was more than just mildly disgusting. I had flashbacks of almost drowning at Cape Hatteras my freshman year of college, except during that episode my skull was being crushed against a jetty as I was guzzling the salt water. I wonder if I might have been a nuclear physicist or something else ultra-genius if that brain trauma hadn’t happened? Anyway, I remember thinking as I was drinking the solution this morning, “I’d rather be having a baby than drinking this crap.” Maybe I can make that into a bumper sticker. “I’d rather be having a baby than looking at you” or “I’d rather be having a baby than listening to Dick Cheney”. . . insert wittiness here.
On a positive note, I rather enjoyed the effects of the SWF. After about 30 minutes, I started feeling some churning “down there.” Then, about 10 minutes later, I rushed to the bathroom and what happened next is probably best described as a water slide rushing out of your bung hole. Totally tubular! For all the constipation I’ve had throughout my life, I’m amazed that no one ever told me of this natural fix-it. If you haven’t done it for yourself, you should totally check it out. It almost makes the revolting part of drinking the salt water worthwhile.
So, with that part accomplished, I proceeded to fix my “lemonade.” Luckily, Jere (again, a rockin’ husband) bought me a juicer around Thanksgiving when my gallbladder was on a very violent strike (throwing punches, spraying mace, laying in front of tanks, and what not) after over-indulging at Liz and Neal’s friend Thanksgiving. So, juicing my four lemons was a piece of lemon cake with lemon icing (soooo hungry as I write this), and the juice I got was enough for my entire allotment of lemonade for the day. I carefully measured out my lemon juice, maple syrup (Grade B), and cayenne pepper, and then filled my snappy, green Camelbak water bottle (BPA-free!) up to the 32 ounce mark. I reluctantly took a sip and was pleasantly surprised. Spicy Countrytime! Okay, not exactly, but after the SWF, it tasted like gourmet cocktail hour.
It struck me very early into the day how psychologically dependent on food I am. I began to feel depressed since I couldn’t look forward to what I was going to eat that day. I explained these thoughts to Jere and he said, “Hmmm. I kinda think of eating as a chore. I wish I didn’t have to interrupt my day doing it.” After I got over my feelings of wanting to bop him on the nose, I got down and dirty with my psyche (a fun past time, if you’ve never tried it). How much of my life has been wasted thinking of what I was going to eat later; or been taken over by cravings for a certain food to the extent that I HAD to have it or suffer being obsessed with the thought of it for the next several days! All these times I could have been living in the present, enjoying whatever wonderful, profound, simple thing life offers on a daily basis. Alright. I’ll stop getting all zen on you.
So, I don’t know if it was the SWF or the fresh juice or the maple syrup or the pepper or the beautiful 70 degree weather, but I had boundless energy this first day. I went into deep cleaning mode and was able to get to every room on the main floor (our basement is beyond hope, I’m afraid). Here and there I would feel pangs of hunger, but I would take a swig of lemonade and go about my manic cleaning spree. Perhaps, psychologically, since I knew there was cleaning being done on the inside, I wanted my external environment to also be clean? I don’t know, but I’m thrilled by this turn of events, as is my husband.
Many times throughout the day, I had to remind myself that I was not allowed to eat. Obviously, it is just about automatic: hunger = refrigerator. Compound that with the fact that I have a 19 month old daughter (holy moley! I just realized that my baby girl is 19 months exactly today!) to feed, and any mother knows that it is easy to get into the habit of “cleaning” your child’s plate for him/her. Well, I managed to stop myself mid-grab on several occasions. Phew. Luckily, my brain took over, which perhaps indicates that my brain is getting fixed. Well, looky here. The cleanse is working already!
Our internet access was finally reinstated (or whatever “techie” term you might use) around 9:00 PM, at which point I went online and read some other blogs of people’s first days on the MC. Around 10:00 PM, I had a refreshing cup of Yogi tea, and was not hungry at all after I finished it. I made it through Day 1!
My Master Cleanse Experience (an intro)
June 8, 2009
Okay. So, here goes. As it so happens, this was supposed to be a live post, but I’m Microsoft wording it since internet has died in the whole State of Vermont today, apparently. What a day for this to happen! I would have loved to have the façade of community support, at least, through online blogging and the distraction that being online provides, especially since we live in a small house and at any point in time, I am in close proximity to the kitchen, a room which I am trying to avoid . . . furthermore, I love the internet because of the relative ease in which one can get one’s questions answered. . . like, did I use too much salt in my SWF (salt water flush) this morning or does anyone else get a caffeine-like buzz from drinking the lemonade or what does it look like exactly when you poop out an alien’s head? Oh well. Hopefully, Fairpoint is working on the solution to my interrupted connectivity at this very moment.
So, I should probably articulate the reasons I am doing this cleanse. I think it’s important to write them down not only for myself, but also to try and explain drinking a quart of saltwater and 2 quarts of a lemon juice, maple syrup, and cayenne pepper concoction everyday. I mean, c’mon. Who the heck is this Burroughs guy and how in the world did he have a job? Has anyone made sure that this guy wasn’t really joking when he made this thing up? Cause it really reads like a fake cleanse, and I feel embarrassed explaining it to people who have never heard of it. I might as well be telling them that my mother is a wombat and my father created air. This “cleanse” is equally ridiculous. But, my baby sister talked me into it. So, there.
Anyway, back on track. Here are my reasons, in no particular order:
1) I have some serious health challenges that I hope to better. (Gallstones, digestive system dysfunction, pituitary system out of whack, brain damage, etc.)
2) I have an addiction to food and I need to get it under control. What better way than to cut out the addicting substance altogether? Hopefully, giving up food for 10 days will help me “reset” my psychology and help me begin to look at food as sustenance instead of just pleasure.
3) My metabolism is as slow as a tortoise-sloth riding a rickshaw being pulled by a herd of two-legged cats. (FYI—a tortoise-sloth is a new breed of animal that sauntered into existence when a tortoise and a sloth got it on. Random fact about their sexual encounter: it went on for about seven months until finally one of them ejaculated V-E-R-Y S-L-O-W-L-Y). Back to my metabolism. During four months of a low-glycemic, 1200 calorie diet and exercising 3 – 5 times a week (cardio and strength training) and sauna usage and 64 ounces of water daily, I lost 15.5 lbs. Now, that’s nothing to sneeze at, but 16 weeks x 2 lbs. a week (average weight loss for someone my size, weight, and gender) = 32 lbs. On paper, that is what I should have lost. Now, paper and reality are not the same. This I know. But, I still think that the conclusion that I have a very slow metabolism is justified, seeing as I lost less than half of the average. I’m hoping that this cleanse might kick my metabolism’s ass and get it to put some urgency into how it does things.
4) I want to push the boundaries of what I think I can accomplish. I have a hard time even skipping a meal. . . can I really go 10 days without eating??? Admittedly, there is a bit of competition involved here. I know other people who have done this cleanse successfully. If they can do it, then I can too, and, goshdarnit, I can detox better than them. I remember in college how it was a badge of honor to go longer than anyone else at not sleeping. Especially around finals, half the fun of procrastinating papers and projects was so you could pull all-nighters with your friends and then brag about it to everyone else. One time, I stayed up for 52 hours straight. I think I won that round. I’m still tired after that, ten years later. I wonder if I’ll be hungry for 10 years after I finish this cleanse. . .
5) I really want to try eating raw vegan, but I know that it will be a HARD transition. I think that by easing into the raw vegan diet by doing a ridiculously drastic cleanse will somehow make it easier. I’ve read that after you’re done with the Master Cleanse, you crave raw, living healthy foods, like tree bark and grass. I know that I would not crave these foods under any other circumstances. On the contrary, I crave sugary, decadent, fatty deliciousness wrapped in plastic. Not good for my ass or my gall bladder.
6) Let’s be honest here. I need to lose a few pounds. Let’s be more honest. Maybe more than a few. This is my final and least and/or most important reason, depending on what outfit I’m wearing (i.e. sweatpants or pre-maternity jeans). I’ve found that the tighter my clothes fit on me is directly related to how disgusting I feel after I eat something. Thus why I usually opt for the sweatpants.
Okay. So, here goes. As it so happens, this was supposed to be a live post, but I’m Microsoft wording it since internet has died in the whole State of Vermont today, apparently. What a day for this to happen! I would have loved to have the façade of community support, at least, through online blogging and the distraction that being online provides, especially since we live in a small house and at any point in time, I am in close proximity to the kitchen, a room which I am trying to avoid . . . furthermore, I love the internet because of the relative ease in which one can get one’s questions answered. . . like, did I use too much salt in my SWF (salt water flush) this morning or does anyone else get a caffeine-like buzz from drinking the lemonade or what does it look like exactly when you poop out an alien’s head? Oh well. Hopefully, Fairpoint is working on the solution to my interrupted connectivity at this very moment.
So, I should probably articulate the reasons I am doing this cleanse. I think it’s important to write them down not only for myself, but also to try and explain drinking a quart of saltwater and 2 quarts of a lemon juice, maple syrup, and cayenne pepper concoction everyday. I mean, c’mon. Who the heck is this Burroughs guy and how in the world did he have a job? Has anyone made sure that this guy wasn’t really joking when he made this thing up? Cause it really reads like a fake cleanse, and I feel embarrassed explaining it to people who have never heard of it. I might as well be telling them that my mother is a wombat and my father created air. This “cleanse” is equally ridiculous. But, my baby sister talked me into it. So, there.
Anyway, back on track. Here are my reasons, in no particular order:
1) I have some serious health challenges that I hope to better. (Gallstones, digestive system dysfunction, pituitary system out of whack, brain damage, etc.)
2) I have an addiction to food and I need to get it under control. What better way than to cut out the addicting substance altogether? Hopefully, giving up food for 10 days will help me “reset” my psychology and help me begin to look at food as sustenance instead of just pleasure.
3) My metabolism is as slow as a tortoise-sloth riding a rickshaw being pulled by a herd of two-legged cats. (FYI—a tortoise-sloth is a new breed of animal that sauntered into existence when a tortoise and a sloth got it on. Random fact about their sexual encounter: it went on for about seven months until finally one of them ejaculated V-E-R-Y S-L-O-W-L-Y). Back to my metabolism. During four months of a low-glycemic, 1200 calorie diet and exercising 3 – 5 times a week (cardio and strength training) and sauna usage and 64 ounces of water daily, I lost 15.5 lbs. Now, that’s nothing to sneeze at, but 16 weeks x 2 lbs. a week (average weight loss for someone my size, weight, and gender) = 32 lbs. On paper, that is what I should have lost. Now, paper and reality are not the same. This I know. But, I still think that the conclusion that I have a very slow metabolism is justified, seeing as I lost less than half of the average. I’m hoping that this cleanse might kick my metabolism’s ass and get it to put some urgency into how it does things.
4) I want to push the boundaries of what I think I can accomplish. I have a hard time even skipping a meal. . . can I really go 10 days without eating??? Admittedly, there is a bit of competition involved here. I know other people who have done this cleanse successfully. If they can do it, then I can too, and, goshdarnit, I can detox better than them. I remember in college how it was a badge of honor to go longer than anyone else at not sleeping. Especially around finals, half the fun of procrastinating papers and projects was so you could pull all-nighters with your friends and then brag about it to everyone else. One time, I stayed up for 52 hours straight. I think I won that round. I’m still tired after that, ten years later. I wonder if I’ll be hungry for 10 years after I finish this cleanse. . .
5) I really want to try eating raw vegan, but I know that it will be a HARD transition. I think that by easing into the raw vegan diet by doing a ridiculously drastic cleanse will somehow make it easier. I’ve read that after you’re done with the Master Cleanse, you crave raw, living healthy foods, like tree bark and grass. I know that I would not crave these foods under any other circumstances. On the contrary, I crave sugary, decadent, fatty deliciousness wrapped in plastic. Not good for my ass or my gall bladder.
6) Let’s be honest here. I need to lose a few pounds. Let’s be more honest. Maybe more than a few. This is my final and least and/or most important reason, depending on what outfit I’m wearing (i.e. sweatpants or pre-maternity jeans). I’ve found that the tighter my clothes fit on me is directly related to how disgusting I feel after I eat something. Thus why I usually opt for the sweatpants.
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